Silent, But Deadly Emissions
By R. D. Flavin


     The average human fart is composed of carbon dioxide, hydrogen, methane, nitrogen, and oxygen, as well as ammonia, benzopyrrole volatiles indole and skatole, dimethyl sulfide, hydrogen sulfide, methanathiol, microflora, and short chain fatty acids. While sulfate-producing gut bacteria imbue farts with their various characteristics, ranging from nearly odorless, to mephitic nastiness, and to silent, but deadly emissions. Our recent discovery advanced software in Volkswagen cars built after 2009 kicked in when the car sensed it was undergoing an emissions test to produce false results and reverted back to its cough-cough state when the emissions test was over is rather disappointing and shocking. Unfortunately (and rather uncannily), other car manufactures such as BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Mazda, Mitsubishi, General Motors, and certain Audi models were using similar software during emission testing. Farting is natural and inevitable, but cheating on emission tests is simply stupid and illegal.

     Now, as near as I can process what little news is available concerning this MASSIVE emissions fraud, the German VW CEO, Martin Winterkorn, resigned, the America CEO, Michael Horn, testified before Congress the problem likely arose from two mid-level software engineers fooling around several years ago... Excuse me? Aren't we talking about 500,00 faulty American diesel VWs, along with hundreds of thousands of cars by other manufacturers? Simple question – why isn't anyone in jail yet? This is state and federal fraud, millions and millions of dollars are involved, and VW is tossing around a possible fix-it date of late 2016... What about the other car companies? All this global warming hyperbole and no one has been arrested yet?

     The United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) was created under Pres. Nixon, its administrator is appointed by the president and is regarded as a pseudo-cabinet position, though its staff and scientists (nearly 16,000 full-time employeees) are all hired off the street and many are sub-contractors. In general, the EPA has little or no authority to punish crimes except by appealing to Congress. There have been many critics over the years who have prooved the agencies ineffectiveness, spreading of false data, and blatent mistakes (i.e., the release of three million gallons of toxic waste water in Colorado on 8-5-2015). It's somewhat similar to the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) with five directors appointed by the president and approved by Congress, with some 1,720 federal employees. The FCC has often been accused of ignoring open standards and implementing closed proprietary standards which creates anti-free-market vendor lock-in. Now, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is a federal agency of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, headed by a commissioner appointed ny the president and approved of by the Senate. It's estimated the FDA has some 15,000 employees. And over the years has been accused of being lazy, in the pockets of the pharmaceutical companies, while some maintain the FDA lacks any real power of enforcement should they balk at a new medical device or dietary supplement. Corruption, ineptitude, or just non-regulated, many of our government's agencies known by their initials seem to be at odds with the average American and a standard sense of decency, trust, and justice.

     Well, we can't bomb Germany (been there twice, bombed it twice), as Volkswagen has 61 plants and factories in Germany (16) and around the world (including a couple in the United States). Fines and sanctions would seem par for the course, but this level of criminality, deceit and violation of government standards, along with simple falsification for profit should elicit prosecution here in the United States, extradition where applicable, or prosecution in the country of origin (i.e., where such illegal emission software was used). Yeah, prisons are horrible places, however if the offense merits it (as I believe lying to hundreds of thousands of consumers and adding to out air pollution in the face of the climate change debate does), then it's off to the pokey for the crooks.

     What's extremely creepy (and shocking) is NOT the bald-faced fibbing in front of Congress blaming everything on a couple of renegade software engineers by the American CEO of Volkswagen, it's the similar practices (read: crimes) by BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Mazda, Mitsubishi, General Motors, and Audi. It's nigh unto impossible all these other major automobile companies had a couple of similar renegade software engineers. Strong circumstantial evidence indicates this method of cheating on American diesel emission tests was well known throughout the industry. I'm thinking the RICO Act and collusion between companies to defraud the United States Federal Government and its citizens. Just a thought.

     If it was just a question of making a few (hundreds of thousands of) dollars, it'd be little different than what Wall Street does everyday. However, this was a sucessful and long-lasting scheme to pollute our environment to make money. High-end money, no less... Sure, some companies are caught dumping crap into our rivers and oceans, hiding nasty stuff in landfills, and not quiet having their chimeys up to code. Reasons? The same ol' laziness and profit. Yet, as the car companies make zilch on diesel, the reason would have to be something sublime and profound – like advertising better gas-mileage. Ouch! Tons of air pollution for slick commercials... We are a shallow people.

     Everyone has a favorite and every contest a winner. What is often overlooked is that ALL under condsideration and EVERYONE participating in a particular contest are heroes for even trying. One car may sell more units than other companies, but those other companies produce products which many adore and are willing to pay big bucks for. Please overlook my pessimism, but I believe there's a better than average chance those luxury car buyers don't give a hoot about air pollution and climate change. Perhaps if the car has lots of hands-free goodies, but toxic car exhaust? That's why we roll-up our windows and turn on the air conditioner....

     The installed software which only activates during a diesel emission test and then shuts off when the test is over is most assuredly deceitful and criminal, but it's also a betrayal of trust and a blatent disregard for the environment. It's treason against OUR future. Yes, it's a given from spitting on sidewalks to flushing unused old precriptions down the toilet.we're reckless and dangeroulsy crude. Greedy?  Of course... They say this is how the 'rich' get richer. These silent, but deadly emissions can't be blamed on Grandma... It's time to break out the pitch-forks and go chase down some money-monster car companies.

Stuffing my bird-beak mask with crushed Twinkies,

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