Flavin's Corner

12-29-00

2001: A Republican Odyssey?

Eight years ago the Republicans lost the White House to Clinton and because the recent election was mishandled they'll soon regain it. The homecoming will feature many familiar names and faces from previous Republican administrations and offers the Orwellian pretense of being a continuation of Ford/Reagan/Bush, with an uninspired omission of Nixon, Carter, and Clinton. "He who controls the present, controls the past" still applies. We should congratulate the Republicans on their ongoing epic and pay close attention so we can identify the secondary characters when the docu-drama mini-series comes out. Instead of an inscribed golden apple, America got tossed a gouged cucumber… Some appreciate the bumps…

As we prepare for Y2K1 and the beginning of the twenty-first century, Sir Arthur C. Clarke released a statement this past week reminding his readers of the official (based on astronomical calculations) dawning of the third millennium of the Christian (or Common) era, as opposed to last New Year's Day, which marked a popular (no zero year) calendar celebration. Clarke is often associated with a Stanley Kubrick collaboration, 1968's 2001: A Space Odyssey, as well as the allegation he's a pederast in exile. An accomplished author, one I've enjoyed often, but not the sort I'd want reminding the kids when the millennium starts. But, they learned about fellatio from Monica and Linda, their parents may be aware of Newt's similar situation and Henry Hyde's equally ungallant past, and they'll likely feel abuse from the upcoming Republican administration. We're raising a tough generation…

While America's democracy had a seizure recently (read: the Florida voting fiasco), such description is usually fanned out with the groans of the have-nots. That's me, btw; a have-not. I'm a Democrat and my party lost the election. [Note: See "mishandled" above.] That I spread the effects of a seizure with seeming disparate imagery only means this is my column, my birthday is this Sunday, and I feel I can spread what and where I want, providing state and federal laws allow.

I'm sincere when I propose a continuing Republican epic. Butler and Graves began their translations of The Iliad with the "anger" of Achilles, recently Fagles used "rage," however the Republican claim is straightforward indignation. Sure, epics don't require a lack of hypocrisy, usually just the opposite, and the moral outrage screamed by Republicans under the Democrats, a slow moving Trojan Horse, will undoubtedly unleash new ways of looking at the teaching of evolution, women's rights, the worth of war and the benefit of hate (read: that there actually is an enemy, in this case, Democratic liberals, like me). And, as is understood, not all epics require, like fellatio before the Senate or voting in Florida, a Reinquest… It's like someone invented a dumb-gun and has been covertly shooting people. Ouch! WHAT WAS THAT?

My analogy between Bush and Telemachus fails because one sneezed from cocaine and the other through a raw parody. What has Barbara done while a Bush was gone from the White House? Contests for another day… The Republican ship has docked and shore-leave is granted. These will be the ugliest Americans yet.

I initially (and unreasonably) feared Reagan/Bush, understood their sales-pitch, giggled, then outright despised the puppets. My regard for President-elect Bush and his pissy grin is similar. Some of the rich are about to get burnt, the middle-class and poor will suffer, and all for the benefit of the favored rich. In the Republican-favor, that is… Booze, smokes, guns, and anything which promotes violence against the disenfranchised will surge in popularity. My money says Powell resigns midway because he doesn't want to work with assholes…

Honestly (behind me, fishwife), hyperbole aside, …it's going to be an interesting party. The Republican homecoming will be a lesson in arrogance for Americans. We'll see what, if anything, is learned.

For this New Year's Day allow me to suggest an ambivalent "do you" as appropriate. Do you understand Al won't be our next president? Now, do an impression of a Jewish person who unwittingly voted for the anti-Semitic Pat Buchanan… Okay, do you… Are you all right? No problems with voting irregularities? Fine! Do you! And I mean that…

Do you believe we can survive 2001: A Republican Odyssey? We've survived oddities before… I'm disappointed in the way historian/novelist Caleb Carr (Killing Time: New York, Random House, 2000) ridiculed the murder of George Washington. His premeditated bleeding silenced a voice of dissent and watching while Republicans shred Janet Reno remains an obscenity in the works. If I believed Hillary returning to Ithica would help, I'd e-mail… This epic is going to be weird…

The Iliad, The Odyssey, and the associated "Homeric hymns" are popularly held to be the works of a blind man writing with authority some time after the alleged events of the Trojan War, c. 1250 BCE. However, most scholars now regard the Homeric productions as resulting from a c. 850-750 BCE school of contributors and redactors, though preserving some earlier segments which could reflect actual Troad tragedy. In much the same way as one can trace a Mycenaean origin of Greek culture, the current epic Republicans are beginning to sing was inspired by Iran/Contra and the subsequent telling will be costly. I expect the worse and will celebrate in four years when we survive… Jessica Hahn remains hotter than Paula or Monica, though pales beside the vibrancy of Sen. Hillary! So many epics, too many advertisers…

Y2K1 will hopefully be little different than most recent years. We change slowly. If the asshole Republicans start an unnecessary war, promote soupline-wear instead of soft-ware, or some such idiocy, I'll … work harder in four years…

 

Do me,

Rick

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